Going downhill? Getting older? The golden years? Ah, the winter years. There are many terms for aging. Each of them adding a little description to what the process is to be.
I was reminded yesterday.
In Tijuana, as I was going down eleven steep rickety stairs a couple of kids scrambled up the stairs to help me; one on either side, 'helping me'. "Be careful von," one said. With each step I was feeling a growing conflict of emotions. "The strong champion of the poor, Pastor von" being helped by the poor. I was actually angered by someone trying to help me. 'Von.' becoming old and frail ... and having to be helped. I envied the past and now I was angered at the present and the coming future.
Fighting the reality of ... stairs down.
The resident pride of an old "independent" man fights against the love and thoughtfulness of others ... simply trying to be of help.
The poor that I'm there to help, are now helping me! Somehow this isn't right.
As I stepped slowly and carefully down the steps; these two strong feelings were struggling. Feelings that were in conflict with one another.
Winning the struggle was, and had to be, a genuine appreciation for the love and respect these kids had for me, and thankfulness for their concern ... and willingness to help a man getting old.
To be honest, to me helping others feels good ... being helped doesn't ... somewhere on these downhill steps, is a lesson I have to learn ... to accept.
