Sunday, October 12, 2014

SHAME ON ME!


Many, many years ago, I was speaking to my youth group of about forty teens, and I was talking on courage! I was really pumped! The true Christian has to have backbone! A Christian has to have courage! In conclusion I decided to ask the group to act. "I want to see if any of you have courage; if you are a Christian and not ashamed of it, stand up!" Well, most stood up, except for three boys who remained seated. At that moment I became painfully aware of what I just did!



I did wrong! I was sincere but stupid! I was shaming!

I put the three kids on the spot! I shamed them! I alienated those I wanted to win. On the other side I created and reinforced liars and hypocrites who broke under the public shame pressure and stood with the rest of the group when they really should have remained seated.

I dismissed the meeting and went directly to the three honest kids and apologized. More than that I commended them for their honesty and courage. In fact they had more courage than many of the hypocrites who stood up. (The three became my friends.) I like honest people.

When I look back; public "shaming" was just one of our tools. I had never thought of it that way before. Asking the group to make a public act which will divide the group. To stand or raise your hand. Shaming is so wrong ... cruel and crippling.

Example: telling your group: "Those who will promise to read a chapter of your Bible each day this week, raise your hand!" What does this shaming do? It divides. It creates liars and hypocrites. It may get a few to read, Is shaming a few of them into it really worth it?

Throw shaming out of your tool box, it's simply wrong!

Any time you as a leader ask your group to raise your hands if ... or stand to your feed if ... consider closely what your doing!

As a new Christian when asked to pray aloud I would sweat drops of blood! What do you say in a prayer. I stumbled my prayer to the group, not to God ... and dreaded prayer public prayer since. The shame of not knowing how to pray.

Oh boy, ask your kids to read aloud certain scriptures, then you come to an uncomfortable kid who really can't read well ... shame floods him!

I learned my lesson, I don't shame people anymore.

Several years ago, I was asked to take my turn leading in the opening prayer for a Billy Graham Crusade. As the day drew near, I was sweating! I have no problem praying alone in my room, but praying before 35,000 people? Yeah, I carefully wrote my prayer and said my prayer, but was that a prayer to God? No! It was simply a public utterance on Graham's platform.

I hate to be put on the spot, and so do you ... why put others on the spot?